Face facts—snooze-worthy, stand-around-small-talking, Samhain soirees are strictly for stiffs. Morticia Stewart ’s Frightful Festivities Planner lets you choose among myriad ghoulish grown-up games, mightily morbid movie trivia quizzes and anguish-inducing adult-centric activities—all guaranteed to tease, titillate and torment your sure-to-be-grateful guests. Every entertaining entry has been laboriously laboratory tested on actual unsuspecting adults. And over the past ten years, we ’ve lost only a few tortured souls. Of course, they all died laughing.

Anyone can plop down a package of flimsy paper plates. [Sound effects: Yawn.] Why not showcase your witch-craftiness—and class up your crypt—with dreadfully delightful decorated dishes? No artistic ability necessary. This kit gives you everything you need to handpaint one-of-a-kind Halloween Boo-fet plates and glasses for an unforgettable, upscale party presentation. Morticia Stewart ’s gluttonous guests have been known to go back for seconds, thirds and fourths just to check out the various designs! True story.